The little things

When the Lord told me that August was the close of this season in Swaziland I couldn’t imagine leaving so soon. On Wednesday mornings I have Bible Study with a group of American women (and 1 good looking Zambian and a Zimbabwean who just had her first baby J). These women have become my sisters, my aunts, my moms, and even my grandma here. One particular Wednesday morning I woke up in tears and could not stop crying. Swaziland is my home and it has become a part of who I am and me leaving Swaziland was as if a part of me was dying. It was like I was grieving the person I am in Swaziland because she has died. Not that I’m a different person in the States but Swaziland is where I’m fully alive, where I experience joy like never before and where I feel like I’m walking out what God made me to do. 

Back to Wednesday morning, about 1 month before I actually had to leave Swaziland. I went to Bible Study but couldn’t even participate because the tears were sitting on my bottom eyelids and one word would have opened the floodgates. Finally it was prayer request time and they said “Becca, how can we pray for you” and I burst into tears. I was sobbing and just whispered “I’m hurting” and then I sobbed. As I looked around the table at my family, it was such a beautiful picture of “mourning with those who mourn” in Romans 12. None of them said anything, they just began praying with tears streaming down their faces. I liked that none of them said anything because no words would have made me feel better but to see these women hurting with me was such a picture of Christ because I also knew that He was mourning with me.

That afternoon I just went back to my house and sat at Jesus’ feet and wept. Like at Bible Study, there were no words just tears and moans yet it was some of the most intimate prayer time I have had. I didn’t have to say anything and He didn’t have to say anything but I knew He was there and I knew He wanted me to be there. After a while I finally said “Lord, you don’t owe me anything for asking me to leave but if I could ask for two things I think that would help in this process.” #1 – I know Swaziland is a small country but could you have a Swazi somewhere in California that I could speak SiSwati with and talk about Swaziland. #2 – Can I go to the 40/40 celebration? (It is the King’s 40^th birthday this year and the 40^th year of Swaziland’s independence). It is a huge celebration for these people that I have come to love and I would love to share it with them. I continued to cry the rest of the day.

The next day I was sitting in my office and I received an email from someone I didn’t know and in just a few short sentences the Lord said YES!

Hi Becca, I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and what you are doing in Swaziland is a Blessing.  I go to RiverLakes, just moved to Bakersfield from NYC, and my husband is a Swazi.  We plan on attending the King’s 40/40 Celebration in September.  If we make it I would love to meet you! 

I burst into tears when I read this note and thought “Why do you care?”  but He does!! He wants you to ask the desires of your heart, even if they seem small or insignificant so He can give good gifts to His children.

40/40 was a blast and I’m so glad I got to go and be a part of it.