“Lord, you are my guide, I rely on you. I put my hope in things not seen, your promises are true. You are faithful, your joy is my strength“. This is a verse from Hillsong’s “You are Faithful” (if you are not familiar with Hillsong, get them in your life).
So if you aren’t too depressed after reading that last entry (congrats, that was heavy huh? And that was the edited version, imagine all that the Lord’s had to listen to). Yes, it’s been hard but life is hard BUT God is faithful and I see more of His faithfulness as I am putting my hope in things not seen (i.e. all the days ahead of me). I have a place to stay, i was given a car to drive, and all of my physical needs are being met so praise you, Lord, for that.
He’s given me a lot of “gifts”. One is the gift of laughter. My grandpa said (jokingly) to my 13-year-old cousin “Hey did you hear they fired Becca in Africa” and my cousin responded “Did Jesus fire her?”
One of the biggest “gifts” i have been given since i’ve been home has been the team members from my church who came in August to Swaziland. I will never forget the day my mom and i drove straight to church from LAX and as I was stepping out of the car i hear “Sawubona” (hello in SiSwati) and I was overjoyed and wanted to cry.
The team walked a day in the life of a Swazi girl, they painted their nails, they did crafts, they sang and taught, they filled gift bags, they decorated, they shared their own stories, they even risked their lives one night and slept with wild animals snoring outside. That’s all great but you know what impacted me the most is they loved on these precious daughters of the King of Kings who others have neglected and forgotten. They were the extra arms to hug these girls and they are the same arms that are now hugging me here in California and whispering in my ear “i miss the girls too”. They lived alongside these beautiful Swazi girls who have stolen my heart and danced with them, ate with them, listened to them, prayed with them, sang with them, and told them how God sees them. When I tell my mom “I miss Phumlile” she doesn’t say “now which one is that?” she gets to say…”she has such a sweet spirit or i remember when Phumlile…”. They have experienced the beauty of these girls and I’m so thankful to have shared experiences with this team who is now loving me by saying SiSwati phrases and still keeping “inside jokes” alive. 🙂
Becca,
I can see by the times you posted you have had a long night of grieving. I am thankful for your ability to grieve and to share what it is like. One of the first churches we went to when we moved here was church full of multigenerational churches. We were drawn to the church because of that, but never felt like we became part of the church family. I was grieving hard inside, having moved out here from a place where church was a family. One of the couples moved away and I heard she was having a hard time, so I wrote her a letter and encouraged her to allow herself to fully grieve, because I felt like I could not and there still was so much pain inside. She wrote back and said after reading my letter she did as I suggested and it had helped tremendously. She said one of the things she realized is she did not know what it had felt like for me to move here and was so sorry that she had not known what I was going through and now she would be sensitive to new people who come to her church.
I am so thankful the team got to meet the women and girls and have had some understanding. That is a gift. I am praying that God will continue to minister to you through this season and begin to unfold the next part of the plan. Don’t rush it as you want to finish grieving so you can fully love those he calls you to love next. I understand you being overwhelmed by the noise, pace of life, and constant bombardment with the call to have a certain size body. I encourage you to be brave enough to be different. Do not become like us…show us how to slow down, seek solitutde and hold that beautiful head up high because you are trully one of the most beautiful creatures God has created. Show us how to truly love each other and those we have been called to love here. As I read your posts, I was amazed by your capacity to so deeply love those God called you to…My God will not waste that capacity…He already knows where He is taking you next. Thank you for giving us glimpses of Swasiland and the beautiful people there. Praying for you!
Becca,
I was reading Ps27:14 this morning and wanted to encourage you with it.
David
Friend, I think its so awesome how the Lord worked it out that your churhc came (esp with your mum and Rachel)…I have no idea how hard it is for you,but I am praying for you, love and miss you a ton!!